On this page we are going to discuss two key behaviours for people struggling with social anxiety: avoidance and safety behaviours.
They are both part of the process that keeps social anxiety going – see our page on the social anxiety maintenance cycle.
If you have social anxiety disorder, the symptoms can be very unpleasant. It is understandable you may feel you want to avoid all the situations that are difficult for you. Or, if you cannot avoid a situation, you may engage in specific actions called safety behaviours (these are discussed further below).
Avoidance
There is no complete list of the types of situations we might avoid, but they might include:
attending appointments, meeting new people, small talk conversations, eating or drinking in public, shopping or queuing, asking for help, making a complaint, sharing your real opinions, talking to people in positions of authority, talking to people you are attracted to, speaking up in meetings, making or receiving telephone calls.
Avoidance might be tempting, very human, or give short term relief – however, there may be unintended consequences:
- Avoidance becomes a habit and spreads to more situations and behaviours
- We reinforce the idea that social situations are dangerous
- We don’t get the chance to learn or practice new ways of thinking and behaving
- We miss out on life opportunities, new connections, positive experiences that will increase self-esteem and confidence
How to reduce avoidance
To reduce avoidance we will have to gradually face some of the situations we fear. There is no need to jump right in the deep end. Its better to take a structured approach, think carefully about your social anxiety, exactly what you are avoiding and in what context.
One of the evidence-based techniques for reducing avoidance is through exposure therapy and hierarchies. In this technique you identify particular challenges and work through a hierarchy where you challenge your avoidance, in a step-by-step manner, through gradual and achievable real-world experiments.
Please also see this article www.cci.health.wa.gov – Overcoming Avoidance
Safety Behaviours
Sometimes we are not able to avoid the situations that cause us social anxiety. To manage anxiety-provoking situations many people engage in what are called “safety behaviours”. Some may be overt (noticeable to others) such as keeping quiet, avoiding eye contact or looking at your phone. Others may be things we do in our minds – like planning out what to say or having excuses ready to leave. Each person might use different safety behaviours to help them cope.
Here is a longer list of potential safety behaviours:
• asking constant questions (to avoid having to speak about yourself)
• avoiding eye contact
• avoiding giving opinions
• avoid doing anything to bring attention to yourself
• being monotone or unanimated when speaking
• finding a task or fiddling with things to look busy
• going out at the quietest times of day/night
• having an excuse ready (so you can leave if anxiety gets too much)
• hiding visible signs of anxiety (particular clothing to cover sweating, make-up to hide blushing, sunglasses to avoid eye contact, hiding your tense or shaky hands)
• joking or playing the fool
• keeping quiet, talking softly or just giving short answers
• people pleasing
• playing with your phone
• rehearsing words or sentences before you speak (in case you get tongue-tied and reveal yourself as nervous or socially unskilled)
• staying close to someone you know
• staying on the edges of a group
• sticking to safe subjects (like work)
• talking too much or too fast
• using alcohol or recreational drugs
there are many others too….
Safety behaviours may feel like they are helping, but much like avoidance, only give short term relief. There are usually unintended longer term consequences including:
- Using safety behaviours to cope reinforces the idea that social situations are dangerous
- Safety behaviours can backfire, for example, avoiding eye contact or being quiet might actually draw attention or make others think we are unfriendly
- We may come to believe it is only the safety behaviour that we got through the situation (reinforcing the need for even more safety behaviours)
- Safety behaviours make us focus more on ourselves causing even more anxiety (called inward focus or a feedback loop)
How to reduce safety behaviours
Firstly, you need to identify your own safety behaviours which may differ depending on the situation. Try using the My Safety behaviours Worksheet.
Once you are more aware of your safety behaviours, you can begin to try and reduce them. This can be hard at first, as you may have come to depend on your safety behaviours to manage your anxiety.
One of the evidence-based techniques of reducing reliance on safety behaviours is through exposure therapy and hierarchies. In this technique you identify particular challenges (such as dropping a safety behaviour) and work through a plan where you test your fears, through gradual and achievable real-world experiments.
For example – if your safety behaviour is to avoid talking about yourself (because it makes you feel self-conscious or you assume the other person wouldn’t be interested) you might deliberately test this out. Perhaps you might share what you are doing at the weekend – or what you watched on TV last night. Did the other person show interest? What did you learn and how can you get better at speaking about yourself and your interests?
If a safety behaviour is to avoid eye contact, you might start with just a few seconds eye contact and building it up more as it becomes more comfortable. Start with someone you feel safe with and then with other people over time.
If a safety behaviour is to play with your phone, try putting your phone down for 5 minutes, use that time to listen and then actively engage in the conversation – even it just the occasional sentence at first.
The way you challenge your safety behaviours is up to you, but it does require some bravery and determination to try something new (or drop something you usually do). Each safety behaviour will have its own subtleties, and its best to start slowly, in low-risk scenarios and gradually build up from there.
We suggest you write down your experiments – and how things work out. Use My Safety behaviours Worksheet to identify particular safety behaviours to challenge – then record what happens on the worksheet outcomes of behavioural experiments. Writing things down helps you remember what works – and what to try next.
You can also find out more about dropping safety behaviours here www.cci.health.wa.gov – Stepping-out-of-Social-Anxiety Safety Behaviours
Please also see these links to international websites:
www.nationalsocialanxietycenter.com – The-silken-trap-of-safety-behaviours
