Excuse me, where can I find the honey?

Growing up I was a chatty, easy-going child. I liked making friends and meeting new people – it gave me energy. But as I entered secondary school, I began to doubt myself. In turn with the chaos of puberty, I became reserved, hesitant and quiet. As my SA developed, I began to feel invisible. This exacerbated my anxiety and intensified the loneliness I experienced.

By my early teens, I felt like a prisoner in my own body. SA had locked me up and thrown away the key. It had stolen my voice and broken my spirit. It made me feel incompetent and unwanted in every social situation I was in.

But an application to my local superstore was a turning point for me. It showed me that sometimes, something as simple as a job can help you change your life for the better.

At first I thought: it’s too scary, I can’t do it. I don’t want to do it. I won’t be able to do it. I’ll freeze and not get any words out. Or if I do, I’ll say the wrong thing. I’ll stammer, my cheeks will go bright red. It’ll be awkward and embarrassing. They’ll think I’m stupid.

And the moment I donned my uniform, all those thoughts bubbled furiously in my conscience. I dreaded interactions with customers. I stumbled my way through queries, my voice hesitant and quiet. When on the till, my heart pounded in my chest and my mind went blank. My throat went dry and my cheeks flushed crimson.

Where is the honey? Can you check if this is in stock? Can I have a bag please? I’m looking for a general painkiller, can you show me where they are? Do you sell water filters? It said it was cheaper on the shelf?

I felt such terror. It froze me to my core. I felt SA’s grip tighten around my throat when met with the inquisitive eyes of a customer. I was staring some of my greatest fears in the face on a daily basis.

It was not easy. But I think it became easier because I kept staring fear in the face. By gradually trying new things, speaking up a little more, I was finding new ways to face what I was afraid of. It also helped knowing social anxiety existed and it wasn’t just me facing things like this.

By now I had progressed from stacking shelves to tills to a place on the customer service desk. By gradually pushing myself to do harder and harder things, again and again – I began to see strangers as normal people. They were no longer these scary foreign creatures. They were just beings with feelings and thoughts and reactions much the same as you and I. They dropped their bags and bumped into strangers. They wanted milk for their tea and eggs for their breakfast.

And slowly but surely, my heart began to slow, and my cheeks cooled to a gentler pink. My voice started to come back, more solid and real with every answer.

The fear that bubbled in my stomach was replaced by an inner strength. I began to feel a sense of certainty in my bones, in the set of my shoulders, in the curves of my face. I gradually became desensitized to social interaction. And it was truly life changing.

Of course, it was a bumpy ride, and some interactions were smoother than others. And if you have worked in customer service, you know that not all exchanges are positive. But I gained strength from the more difficult scenarios. By seeing the beautiful, messy and sometimes outrageous side of human nature, I learned how we are all the same. No one is perfect and no one is superior to anybody else.

This form of exposure therapy won’t be appropriate for everyone. At times, it was both intense and gruelling. Similarly, everyone’s experience with social anxiety is different and one method alone is often not enough to address the complexity of this disorder. But for me, it provided an irrevocable breakthrough and speaking to other colleagues was an experience which helped them too.

That’s not to say that I don’t struggle sometimes. I find socialising in big groups of people, particularly those of my own age, quite difficult. But my retail experience provided me with a social steadiness that helps me in these situations. I give myself grace and support myself through it, knowing we are all equal and no one is more deserving of calm and peace than anyone else.

So, while scary and simple in its methodology, I found it to be transformative in its effect – its helped me grow in so many other ways too – just by getting used to work talk, small talk and daily interactions with so many people. Just putting it out there, I believe that a role in customer service, or working up to it if you need, can be a really useful tool in helping other people overcome their social anxiety.