Introduction
For those who struggle with social anxiety, anxious thoughts and feelings are often exacerbated by “self-focus” where attention is directed inward on oneself rather than outward on the conversation or situation at hand.
Instead of fully engaging with the social situation, you may become trapped in a cycle of self-criticism, safety behaviours, fight or flight, or hypervigilance making social interactions even harder.
This self-focus is part of the process that keeps social anxiety going – see our page on the social anxiety maintenance cycle.
Why might self-focus occur?
Many people with social anxiety believe that monitoring themselves closely will help them avoid mistakes and perform better in social situations or even allow to control their own anxiety. However, evidence suggests the opposite is true.
What does self-focus involve?
- Inward focus on how you are being perceived or judged by others
- Belief that the anxiety you feel may be noticeable to others
- Increased monitoring of your own anxiety symptoms (which often makes them worse)
- Reverting to unhelpful safety behaviours (keeping quiet, playing with your phone etc.)
Results of excessive self-focus:
- Miss opportunities to contribute or get fully involved in the conversation or situation
- Struggle to empathise with others or notice subtleties of speech/body language
- Get trapped in your own thought patterns and negative thinking
How do I move from self-focus to outward focus?
You will need to make a committed effort to shift your focus from an inward to outward focus.
If you are with other people, try to remain fully engaged with the situation or conversation. Strive to be an active listener. Ask open and relevant questions to show your interest. Avoid looking at your phone. If you’re eating – pay attention to the taste and texture of your food. The more you focus on the situation and people – rather than your anxiety – the more your anxiety should diminish. Stay totally present in the conversation without judging the other person, yourself, your anxiety or your responses. This is easier said than done, but through time and practice it will come a lot more naturally.
Practice attention training in low-stress environments.
It can be helpful to first practise attention training in non-social environments where anxiety levels are lower. For example, you can play close attention to sensory details in the present moment – what you see, hear, smell, taste, or touch. Try and be fully in the “moment”. When you notice your mind wandering, it is important to gently redirect it back to the present moment without self-criticism. See our page on ‘Mindfulness and Social Anxiety’
Applying attention training to social situations
Once you have practised training your attention in calmer environments, these skills can be applied to social interactions. This involves actively shifting your attention away from yourself, your anxiety, or self-critical thoughts. Try and focus fully on things like:
- The person you are speaking to – their words, expressions, and tone of voice.
- The flow of conversation, rather than your own internal experiences.
- Think of open-ended and relevant questions to engage in the conversation.
- Staying present in the moment without judging your anxiety or responses.
Be Authentic
Learning it is safe and helpful to openly express your true thoughts and feelings (where appropriate) can give you a sense of empowerment and lead to more interesting conversations, more genuine friendships and connections.
Get involved
Try loosening up conversationally, perhaps be a little more playful, humorous, try changing the topic of conversation (see our page on conversation skills). Be open to new ideas – try a new drink or food or suggesting something new to do next time. All of these things may help you feel more part of the situation you are in, a player, a participant not just stuck in old ways of thinking that may no longer suit your needs for personal growth.
Less social situations
E.g. being in a queue, walking down the street, being watched whilst doing a task.
- Before you attempt the task, find new ways to challlenge negative thoughts
- Stay present in the moment without judging your anxiety
Beware safety behaviours
Some people use ‘safety behaviours’ such as not voicing opinions, trying to “control” anxiety, or playing with their phone to try and minimise the anxiety or danger they perceive. Most such safety behaviours are counter-productive as they are “inward focussed” and stop you being fully involved in the conversation or situation. See our worksheet on safety behaviours.
Practice
At first it can feel like an uphill battle, but as you practise outward focus, you should begin to see positive changes. When you notice when your attention wanders, bring it back to the social situation or task at hand. After a while the skill will become natural and automatic.
Conclusion
Attention training is a valuable technique in managing social anxiety and is often incorporated into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
As with other techniques within CBT, attention training can take time and practice to see meaningful changes. However, with persistence, it should lead to more natural and meaningful conversations, an improved ability to pick up on social cues, and less preoccupation with anxious thoughts and feelings.
Please also see:
